


Don't let me go

by heismyfirstolive (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Arguing, First Time, M/M, Makeup Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 12:45:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/heismyfirstolive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas risks his life on a hunt, Dean is pissed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't let me go

“Cas, you stupid son of a bitch. Do you realise what you did back there? What nearly happened?” They’re back at the bunker after a hunt, and Dean is fuming, more angry than he can remember being for a long time. He had told Cas, told him explicitly that he should never do that again, but apparently maintaining Dean’s peace of mind isn’t enough to stop a suicide mission.

“I won’t apologise, Dean. I did what I had to do.” Cas glares at Dean, equally as angry, the set of his jaw defiant.

Regardless, Dean is pissed as hell. Cas had done something stupid and reckless on the off chance that it might make the hunt a success, using himself as bait for a nasty fucker who got too close to taking Cas away from Dean for good.  
Dean storms through the bunker to his bedroom, slamming doors as he goes, trying to deter Cas from following.

“If it’s a choice between your life and killing a monster, Cas, choose yourself, okay? Always. No questions asked. I thought you’d get that by now.”

Cas flares his nostrils and grinds his teeth, his fists clenching and unclenching as though he’s itching to hit something. Dean can relate.

“That isn’t your choice to make, Dean. I can gamble with my life if it means saving yours.”

This mollifies Dean a little, although his anger is still white-hot under his skin. The thought of losing Cas, for good this time, fills him with blind terror.

Sam has long since left the two of them alone to fight; by now he knows better than to get in between Dean and Cas when they’re both riled enough to draw blood.

“It’s not worth it. _I’m_ not worth it.” Dean stares at the ground, long-forgotten feelings of self-loathing rising out of his throat like bile.

He looks up to find Cas much closer than he was before, eyes a perfect storm, incredulity written across his face.

“Dean… I thought I had made it clear, many times over, that you deserve to be saved.”

Dean’s breath catches in his chest, and maybe his heart stops beating for a second, because Cas is looking at him with such intensity that he’s burning. He tries to form words, but nothing adequate comes to mind. He’s still furious, but the sincerity in Cas’ eyes is thawing him a little.

He’s still caught completely unaware when Cas places his hands on Dean’s cheeks, gently brushing a thumb just below his eyes, before leaning up to press a chaste but firm kiss to his lips.

Dean pulls away, shocked, the rest of his anger dying in an instant and turning to confusion. Cas looks hurt, then embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t- I’m sorry. That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Cas turns to leave, his face red, eyes downcast, but Dean roughly grabs his wrist before he can get too far and pulls him back, staring intently at his face.

“Jesus Christ, Cas, don’t apologise. Don’t ever-” He grips Cas’ face in his hands, gentle fingers in his hair a stark contrast to the almost violent way he crashes their mouths together. This kiss is more urgent than the last, tongues dipping in, searching, teeth biting down hard enough to leave marks.

“Fuck,” is all Dean can breathe out, the sound barely more than a groan. Cas pushes Dean backwards until he’s crowded against the wall, then pushes his knee between Dean’s thighs, grinding down and drawing more moans out of Dean which he swallows down hungrily between swollen lips.

Cas presses his lips to the corner of Dean’s mouth, then leaves a trail of hot kisses down his neck to his collarbone. Dean tips his head back to allow Cas better access and lets his legs fall open further, arching up into Cas, eliciting a delicious moan that makes his cock twitch.

Cas pulls away, breathing heavily and running his hands up and down Dean’s sides. “Dean.” His voice is wrecked, and Christ he’s beautiful.

Dean nods because he understands implicitly, that Cas is overwhelmed and overcome, that this thing is finally happening, has finally reached the point they have been hurtling towards for years.

“Want you, Cas,” Dean is practically fucking whining, but he grinds his hips hard to make Cas gasp so he doesn’t feel too bad.

Cas slips his fingers through Dean’s belt loops and drags him towards the bed, kissing Dean hungrily as they climb onto the covers, Cas on top straddling Dean’s thighs. Dean can feel Cas’ hardness through his jeans and he moves to align it with his own, the warm length causing his dick to harden further and a moan to escape his mouth.

Cas is moving his hips deliciously, biting his lip and looking at Dean through heavily lidded eyes, his hands ghosting from Dean’s neck to his chest where he makes quick work of the buttons on Dean’s shirt.

Before long they’re both shirtless. Cas leans down to kiss Dean hard, his hands making patterns on Dean’s bare chest, Dean gasping when fingers brush gently against his nipples, feeling them harden. Dean reaches between them to work on Cas’ belt, but his hands are shaking as he fumbles with the buckle.

Cas leans in close and whispers right in his ear, “Nervous, Dean?” And because the fucker is somehow not falling apart, he pushes Dean’s hands away so he can undo his trousers himself, before pulling them swiftly down and off along with his boxers.

Dean takes a moment then to admire Cas, naked and on top of him, a flush slowly blooming from his cheeks down his chest. He’s beautiful.

“You’re beautiful, Cas.” Dean curls his hands around Cas’ sides, thumbs rubbing at his hipbones, fingers gently kneading the top of his ass. He leans up and takes a nipple between his teeth, biting down before sucking and kissing gently. Dean hears a gasp and Cas’ hands move, one on his shoulder, the other cupping the back of his neck, holding him against his chest.

Cas rolls his hips and Dean can feel his cock on his naked chest, feels the swollen and leaking head as it moves against him. Suddenly his trousers feel too tight, so he reluctantly moves away from Cas to lie down again, hands more steady now as they quickly undo his jeans and push them down his legs.

Then they’re both naked, and Dean can hardly breathe with how perfect and right this feels. He rolls them over so he’s straddling Cas, but he leans in close to kiss Cas’ pink and swollen lips. Dean reaches one hand between them and circles it around Cas’ cock, his breath hitching against Dean’s mouth at the contact, hips thrusting unconsciously.

Dean starts pumping his fist slowly, and Cas breathes out a “ _Fuck_ ” as his head drops back onto the bed. Dean mouths at Cas’ newly exposed neck, hand moving faster as his other reaches out to twine with Cas’ fingers.

Cas is moving faster now, precome leaking out of his cock and slicking down his length with Dean’s hand. Dean can feel himself hardening, incredibly turned on by the noises Cas is making, by the completely unabashed way he’s moving beneath Dean.

Dean picks up the pace, thumb rubbing over Cas’ slit and hand twisting slightly when he reaches the end of Cas’ dick. He sucks bruises into Cas’ neck, his collarbone, his chest, soothing each one with a kiss and a flick of his tongue.

“Cas, baby, come for me,” Dean whispers, growls almost, into Cas’ ear, his hand twisting wickedly. Cas cants his hips hard, once, then he’s coming over Dean’s fist, stripes painting his own chest. Cas breathes hard, his eyelids fluttering and low sounds escaping his lips as he rides his orgasm out. Dean presses his mouth to Cas’ lips, tasting the words that tumble out and fall sweet on his tongue.

When Cas opens his eyes, his pupils are blown wide and he’s looking at Dean in wonder, hands moving to cup Dean’s cheeks. Dean kisses him again, close-lipped, before he moves down Cas’ body and starts to clean the come off his chest with his mouth.

Cas looks down at him with thinly-veiled surprise, and Dean sees his dick twitch with interest despite its recent release. He’s slow and methodical, and it doesn’t taste as bad as Dean thought it would. Dean wonders if it would even matter if it did taste awful.

He cleans Cas’ cock last, and it’s worth the wait to see Cas’ eyes flutter closed, to hear his desperate moans. Dean finishes cleaning but keeps his mouth where it is, slowly working Cas up to full hardness again. Cas fists his hands in Dean’s hair, not pushing, but rough enough to make Dean’s dick twitch beneath him.

Dean holds Cas’ hips as he moves up and down, his mouth making obscene noises around Cas’ dick that mingle with the sounds coming from Cas. He says Dean’s name over and over, chanting it like a prayer.

Cas pulls at Dean’s shoulders, and Dean releases Cas’ cock in surprise, but crawls up his body and anyway and meets him with a kiss that’s hot and dirty, the taste of Cas’ come lingering on his tongue as it fucks into Cas’ mouth. He’s painfully hard now, and Cas seems to realise this as he rolls them over again, legs tangled together, and takes both of their cocks in his fist.

“Cas, fuck,” Dean moans at the touch, which is tentative at first but quickly grows in confidence; the friction of Cas’ dick on his own almost makes him lose it. He thrusts upwards in time to the movements of Cas’ hand, and after a few strokes he reaches down to join Cas’ quickly moving fist around both of their cocks.

“Baby, you’re doing so good. So beautiful for me, so fuckin’ hot Cas.” Dean knows his words are falling out in a string of barely coherent sentences but he hardly cares, all that matters is the white-hot feeling of Cas’ hand, Cas’ cock against his, the sweet slip-slide as they both thrust in time into their fists.

Cas rests his forehead against Dean’s and kisses him messily, tongues and lips mashing together without grace or skill. Dean groans and cants his hips up hard, his head falling back against the bed as he wraps a leg around Cas’ thigh.

Dean begins thrusting faster, can feel warmth building in his stomach as he tumbles towards his climax.

“Cas, m’close. So- fuck- close.” Dean stutters as Cas bites down hard on his neck, and that’s all it takes; his orgasm crashes through him, burning white behind his eyelids, coursing under his skin right down to his fingertips.

Cas follows soon after; Dean can feel warm liquid pulsing between them to pool on his stomach. Cas collapses, boneless, and presses a gentle kiss to Dean’s sweat-slick collarbone. Dean circles an arm around Cas’ waist and brings his other hand up to card through Cas’ hair. He can feel the stickiness between their stomachs and knows they’ll have to clean up later, but right now that doesn’t seem important.

They don’t speak for a long time, but the silence is almost deafening. It speaks of a thousand unsaid words, hundreds of shared glances and lingering touches. Dean had never been able to comprehend what they all meant; perhaps he had been afraid of thinking about him and Cas, scared that acknowledging his feelings would somehow curse whatever they had between them.

Dean gets it now, though, and he doesn’t ever want to let it go.

Right here, in Cas’ arms, it feels safe. It feels like coming home.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice is wrecked and perfect, a low timbre that Dean feels vibrating in his bones.

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean replies, rubbing slow, absent-minded circles on Cas’ back.

“I’m sorry for risking my life today.” Dean stills, their earlier argument forgotten until now. “I won’t do that to you again.”

Dean knows it’s just an apology, that Cas is just saying sorry for upsetting Dean, but it feels like a lot more. A promise. An admission.

_Cas wants to stay._

Dean holds him closer, squeezes his eyes shut, and hopes that for once in his goddamn life, something goes right.


End file.
